Three
by cynosure23
Summary: The sequel to Me and You- and now there are three.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, everyone!**

 **This story is the sequel to** _ **Me and You**_ **, so if you haven't read that one yet, you definitely need to get through that first. I was originally going to wait until upload, but then realized I have tons of chapters pre-written already…so why wait?** _ **Ineffable**_ **is going to continue updating more regularly than this one, but I'll upload this one more often than I originally thought at the beginning.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

… …

I watched Edward cut the cord, and cried when I saw him hold her for the first time. She was tiny, and she wailed as Edward laid her on my chest, but it was the most incredible thing to finally hold her. I kissed her pink forehead and held her as close as I could.

Edward slipped his arm around my shoulders. And his other hand came up to cup the back of her head. Both of us had tears in our eyes as we looked at each other. He leaned down to kiss me as I held our daughter, and I knew that this would be one of the best and most special moments of my life.

… …

I had just been moved out of the birthing suite and into my own hospital room, and now the three of us were getting our first moments together as a family.

"I'm sure every parents says this, but she's perfect, isn't she?"

"She _is_ perfect." I smiled as I watched Edward with the baby, totally in awe of how amazing it felt to see them together. "I can't believe it."

"I think she looks like you," Edward said. "Look at all this beautiful dark hair."

She _did_ have a lot of hair, a deep chocolate brown. "That's just her hair, though. I think she's too little to see who she looks like. Or maybe I'm just bad at telling."

"And look how tiny her fingernails are," Edward continued, not taking his eyes off of her. He grinned when she closed her hand around his finger, and kissed the top of her head.

"Do you want to go get the grandparents?" I asked. "They're probably about to bust down the door out there."

"I will in a minute. First, I have something for you."

I started to protest, but Edward put the baby back into my arms, probably knowing that was the best way to distract me.

I held her close as he looked through his bag for something, and I was completely overwhelmed with how much love I felt for this tiny little person I'd only known for such a short period of time.

Edward sat back down on the edge of the bed, closer to me this time. "So, since little miss here came early, and I was afraid of that, the first isn't quite complete." He opened the little box in his hand before I could say anything else in protest, revealing a dainty silver bracelet. "I had originally thought I'd be getting a peridot charm, since she was supposed to be due in August. But my mom suggested that I wait to be sure- and she was right. I ordered a ruby charm instead, and I'm going to get an 'M' charm, too."

"Thank you, Edward. It's beautiful…really. And such a perfect keepsake. "But you didn't have to-"

"I know I didn't, Bella. I wanted to. She might have been a surprise, but Mila is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I wouldn't have her without you. Thank you for bringing our daughter into the world, and for making me a father."

"Thank you," I whispered, my eyes filling with tears all over again.

He put the bracelet on my wrist, and then kissed my forehead and Mila's before going out into the waiting room to get the impatient grandparents. My dad stepped into the room first, followed closely by Sue, Esme, and Carlisle.

My dad made a beeline for me, immediately leaning down and kissing my cheek. "How's my girl? You doing okay?"

"I'm great," I croaked, squeezing his hand. "But your granddaughter wants to meet you."

He didn't bother to try and hide his tears as he held her for the first time, and it was obvious that he was already completely in love.

"Do you have a name yet?" Esme asked, snapping pictures with her phone already.

"Mila," Edward replied proudly. "Mila Catherine."

"That's beautiful." It was Sue that spoke first, but everyone else agreed.

Edward sat back down next to me as everyone else still had their eyes on the baby, and took my hand in his. "You feel okay?"

I laughed slightly, because I was sure that I'd never feel comfortable again. "I'll survive."

He smiled sympathetically, and I knew that something between us had shifted- in a good way.

I turned my attention back to my dad and Mila, and even though my arms practically ached to hold my daughter again, I wanted them to have this moment together.

Sue held her for a few minutes next, and I knew that she and Esme would be an unstoppable force when it came to spoiling Mila. They were her grandmothers, and even though neither of them were my own mother, they would be the best to both of us.

Esme and Carlisle claimed her next, and I was worried that I'd never get my baby back after seeing them with her. Carlisle was a big softy, hogging her for most of the time. Esme had continued to take pictures, only stopping when Mila was in her arms. By the time Rosalie, Emmet, Alice, Peter, and Charlotte had come in to meet their niece, I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. They left after a few minutes so that we could get some rest, promising that they would come back the next day.

I watched sleepily as Edward placed Mila in the little hospital bassinet next to my bed. The nurse had offered, more than once, to take her to the nursery for the night, but we had decided against it. It just felt wrong for the three of us to be apart for our first night as a family, even if we'd regret the missed sleep later.

That was our first night as a family, and I would never forget the feeling of happiness that came along with it.

… …

The next morning, we hit the ground running with paperwork. Someone from the hospital came to help us fill out the information for Mila's birth certificate and social security card. Because Edward and I weren't married, there were a few extra steps, so I was thankful for the help. They asked if we wanted a paternity test done first, but we both declined. Instead, Edward and I signed some paperwork acknowledging that he was Mila's biological father, so that he could be listed on the birth certificate.

"Mila Catherine Swan-Cullen," I said, testing the name out. "Kind of a mouthful for my tiny little baby, isn't it, little bit?" She just cried, but I didn't mind. "Time to eat again, huh?"

Nursing had seemed intimidating at first, but Mila had seemed to get the hang of it quickly. It was still a little uncomfortable, but nothing too awful. I already loved feeding her this way- it somehow made me feel even closer to her. I wouldn't be able to breastfeed her all the time, but I made the most of the opportunity now.

We'd already changed our first diaper, which had been a disgusting sight I was sure that would haunt my nightmares. But Mila was healthy, and seemed like a happy baby already. Edward helped me get situated to nurse, then stepped outside to make a few phone calls.

It struck me that this was the first time Mila and I had been alone together for more than just a few moments. I smiled down at her, totally in love. "I love you, baby. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me- and I'll bet your daddy would agree. Yes. You're a lucky little baby." She just continued to nurse, and was all finished when Edward came back into the room.

"I'll burp her," he said, already tossing a burp rag over his shoulder. I handed her over without complaint, and watched the two of them with a smile. Edward seemed like a natural, and the love he felt for her was obvious.

I couldn't have asked for a better father for my daughter.

… …

We'd had a quiet morning, but the visitors began pouring in again in the afternoon. They all came bearing gifts, too, even though Edward and I had protested.

"You're spoiling her," I told my dad, watching as he rocked her back and forth.

"It's nothing big, Bella. And if you think I won't be spoiling this little angel for the rest of my life, you're out of your mind."

I had to admit, the stuffed dog he'd brought _was_ adorable. So were the clothes- which Sue had helped him pick out. And it was pretty cute to see my dad go completely mushy over his brand new granddaughter, so I couldn't complain too much.

Charlotte, Esme, and Carlisle came in shortly after my dad left, bearing one of the largest gift baskets I'd ever seen that was meant for all three of us. Edward had already gotten into the box of cookies they'd included, and I couldn't resist wrapping myself in the plush blanket at the bottom of the basket.

"She already looks like you, Bella." Charlotte was sitting on the loveseat by the window with Mila in her arms, and Carlisle and Esme sat on either side of her.

"I told you," Edward said, elbowing me gently. "It's the hair, and her nose."

"Bella's mouth, too," Esme chimed in. "Such a beautiful baby."

"But light eyes." Carlisle smiled at the baby. "Maybe they'll end up green."

I hoped so- she was sweet baby blue eyes right now, but I was hoping they'd turn Cullen green as she grew. Peter, Edward, and Emmett all had Carlisle's green eyes, and they were beautiful.

"Going home tomorrow, right?" Charlotte asked.

Edward nodded. "Yep. She's got eating down pat, and the pediatrician cleared her."

"Are you excited to bring her home?"

"It's a little scary," I admitted. "But it _will_ be nice to have her at home."

"We've got this, Bella," Edward assured me.

"If you never need help, I'm just a phone call away. I mean it. I raised three children, and had more sleepless nights than you could imagine," Esme said. "I can stay the night if you ever need me to. Or come by during the day. I know the first couple of days will be good for the three of you to get situated, and I don't want to intrude, but the offer still stands."

We thanked her, knowing that there was definitely a possibility that we'd want to use that lifeline. But she was also right about us having time alone. We were a little family, and although Edward and I wanted our families to be close, we did want time for just the three of us.

… …

Bringing Mila home from the hospital felt monumental, and I felt tears prick my eyes yet again as we walked into the house.

Edward had already taken her out of her carried, and was walking around with her. "This is your house, Mila! You've got plenty of room to play and grow. I grew up in this house, too, and let me tell you- it's pretty cool. There's a big backyard, and a park right down the street."

I listened to him talk to her for a few minutes, but I was still tired and knew she'd need to nurse soon.

Edward helped me settle in with her upstairs in the nursery, in the rocking chair by the window. He went to go get cleaned up while Mila nursed, and was back just as she was finishing up.

"Go lay down, Bella," he said, carefully taking Mila from me to be burped.

I almost argued, but my tiredness won out, so I went to bed.

I laid awake for a while, tired by also inexplicably missing my baby when I knew she was only one room away.

Turning on the baby monitor that we had already set up made me feel a little better, and I feel asleep to the sound of Edward humming to the baby.

… …

"How is she already one week old?" I asked, watching as Edward gave her a sponge bath in the laundry room sink.

"I don't know. She's already changing, though. It's crazy."

He stuck his tongue out at her briefly, laughing when she did it back. That was their new trick, and he'd been doing it with her all morning. He then toweled her off and dressed her in one of the onesies Alice had bought, and we went out on the screen in patio. "Tummy time, Mila!" Edward cooed, putting her down on the blanket that was already spread out on the floor. Both of us sat on the floor, propped up against the couch as she laid on the blanket.

We sat back and just watched for a few minutes, but then Edward got on his stomach as well, face to face with her.

I loved watching them together, and Mila brought out a side of Edward that I'd never seen before. Even with all the stress of being a new, first-time parent, Edward seemed more easy going that before.

Esme showed up less than half an hour later, and she came bearing lunch.

She must have let herself in through the garage, and joined us out of the porch. "Hi, guys. Sorry to drop in unannounced, but I wanted to bring lunch."

"That's okay." I stood up from my spot and gave her a quick hug. "It's good to see you."

Esme smiled at her son and granddaughter, who were both still on the floor. "I didn't know I'd be interrupting playtime!"

"All day is playtime for Mila," Edward teased, picking her up and following us back into the house. "When she's not sleeping, eating, or filling her diaper, that is."

"Like I said, I didn't want to bother you, but I know it's always nice to not have to cook when you've got a new baby on your hands. This is just lasagna, but I made a big pan so you can have it for dinner too, and freeze the leftovers if you want."

"Thank you, Esme. We really appreciate it."

"You're welcome, dear. Let me know if you need anything else." She started to gather the rest of her things up to leave, but Edward stopped her.

"Stay, Mom. Have you had lunch yet? You could join us."

She hesitated for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"We're sure." I spoke up. "You haven't seen Mila since the day before yesterday, and we really do appreciate you coming by with lunch."

Our families had obviously been trying to give us time alone at home with the baby, but had still been popping in from time to time. But they were never overbearing, and it was infrequent enough that we didn't mind them. We understood, after all, that they already loved Mila, and that she was the first baby in the family.

Esme opened her arms for the baby, and Edward carefully handed her over. Previously, Edward had expressed concerns that his mother would get to handsy with the baby, and overstep. But he had relaxed about it once Mila was actually born, and seemed to understand that everyone just wanted time with the new baby. I think he had realized that everyone, especially the grandparents, just wanted to be involved and that it was totally natural. He had also finally explained some of his concerns to his mom, and she had promised to take her cues from us. We didn't want to keep Mila from her family, but this was still a special time for us and we didn't want a houseful of guests every single day.

"So, she's a week old!" Esme exclaimed, smiling down at the baby. "How are you two doing? And is she doing well?"

Edward smiled at his mom as he loaded lasagna onto his plate. "We're doing okay. We expected to be sleep deprived, although actually feeling it is different. But she's a good baby, and likes to be held."

"She definitely has a sweet temperament so far," I added. "Thank god."

"And she's a happy baby. It's adorable, Mom. She's starting to mimic facial expressions- look."

He got close to Mila's face and stuck his tongue out at her again, and just like before, she mimicked him after a moment.

Esme laughed, and leaned down to kiss Mila's cheek. "So precious."

"She seems to like to look at us, too, but mostly just our mouths when we talk to her. No eye contact, yet," Edward added.

"Oh, that's normal. That won't come for a few more weeks. You were probably too little to remember, but Emmett's eyes were crossed a lot when he was a newborn, so he didn't make eye contact for over a month! It was the funniest thing."

I snuck a quick peak over at Mila, relieved to see that her eyes weren't crossed like her Uncle Emmett's.

"Speaking of Emmett, we were thinking of having a birthday dinner for him next week. I know you too won't be ready to leave the baby, so we're just going to do it at Peter and Charlotte's house. That way, Mila can come along. And you don't have to stay the whole time."

Edward glanced over at me hesitantly. "I don't know…that would be Mila's first trip out of the house."

"No, she goes to the pediatrician tomorrow afternoon," I reminded him. "So it would be her second trip…that makes it a little easier."

"You're okay with going?"

A big part of me wanted to just stay at home with my baby forever, but I nodded. "It'll be fine."

I knew it was silly, but truth be told, I was nervous about it, too. However, I think we both knew that the best way to overcome nerves over things like this was to just do it. We'd go to dinner, but maybe not arrive early and leave after everyone was done eating. Mila would, after all, be less than two weeks old, and we were nervous first time parents.

Esme seemed to understand, and told us to just arrive in time for dinner to be served at six.

She left shortly after finishing lunch, and the three of us continued with our day.

I felt a little coped up in the house, but there was also a part of me that didn't want to burst the cozy little bubble we'd been living in.

… …

 **Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you thought of the chapter. Hope to see you all again soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for reading! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the first chapter!**

 **This story doesn't have an update schedule while I'm still working on** _ **Ineffable,**_ **but I'll try to not make you wait too long between updates.**

… …

"I'm so glad you guys could come," Charlotte said, beaming as she let the three of us into the house. "How is parenthood treating you?"

"Pretty good." I watched as Edward took Mila out of her carrier, willing myself not to fuss over them. This was the first time we'd have her around Edward's whole family at once, and while I knew rationally that everything would be okay, it was hard not to be nervous. "I think we've been blessed with a good baby, though."

And we really had been. Of course, Edward and I would always be biased about our sweet baby girl, but we really did find that Mila was pretty easygoing for a newborn baby. She had found her lungs more in the past week, but could be soothed fairly quickly. If the crying couldn't be stopped by a feeding or diaper change, then she usually could be calmed down by some time in the rocking chair or by hearing our voices. Edward spent a lot of time reading to her, and that worked better than anything to comfort her.

"We were just getting ready to sit down and eat," Charlotte informed us. "But I need to hold her first!"

Edward reluctantly transferred the baby over to her Aunt Charlotte, and everyone else quickly gathered around.

Rosalie came to my side, hugging me immediately. "How're you doing, Momma?"

"Okay," I answered truthfully. "Exhausted, but so obsessed with her. It's been less than two weeks and I still can't believe how much I love her."

"Aw. Well, she _is_ pretty cute. But we're really glad you guys came tonight- I'm sure it was hard."

I agreed, telling her how comfortable the three of us had been at home, living in our little bubble.

Carlisle and Emmett both claimed the baby for a few minutes before Esme and Charlotte ushered us into the dining room to start dinner. Emmett sat down with Mila still in his arms, then quickly realized his dilemma.

"Let me take her so you can eat," I said, holding my arms out. "She'll need to nurse again soon, anyway."

I smiled down at her when I sat back down in my chair, and inhaled her sweet baby scent. I had actually _missed_ her when she had been just across the table, and having her back in my arms felt so good. I had become a master at eating one-handed while holding Mila in the past thirteen days, and did it now without issue.

After nearly two weeks of almost always being home with just Edward and Mila, it was a little strange to be with a larger group again, but I knew we'd be getting used to it again soon. Everyone was in a good mood celebrating Emmett's birthday, and it was a fun dinner and nice to be around all of them again.

"Let me take her," Edward said after we had all finished eating dinner. I knew that he missed her just as much as I had earlier, so I transferred her into his arms just as Esme started serving the cake.

I still hadn't gotten used to how much seeing him with her made my heart melt, but I hoped I never would. It made me see Edward in a whole new light, and appreciate him more than ever.

… …

"Oh, gross," Edward said wrinkling his nose. "Mila, how do you manage to make such a mess in your diaper?"

I muffled a giggle, but just like him, I was still disgusted by her diapers.

"Ugh. You need a bath," he told her. "Bella, I'm going to sponge her off."

"I'll come." I put my phone down, and followed them out of the patio.

We went into the laundry room, where we were still using the utility sink to give Mila sponge baths.

"Oh, um…" Edward paused, looking over at me. "I think her umbilical cord fell off…at least I _hope_ that's what this is."

He held it up for a moment, then tossed it onto the counter, obviously grossed out. We both looked at her belly, and a grin spread over his face. "But look at that cute little belly button!"

Mila just wriggled, seemingly oblivious to this new change.

"She's changing so much," I said with a sigh. "It's kind of sad."

"I know, Bella. But at least it just keeps getting better."

I had to agree- I felt sad and nostalgic over how much my baby was already growing in the first few weeks of her life, but at least she was happy and healthy, and she brought so much happiness to our lives.

Now that we were able to give Mila her first real bath, I went and got my phone so that I could capture the whole thing. Luckily, she seemed to like the warm water, and as soon as Edward wrapped her up in a towel, she was content- ready to be nursed and then rocked to sleep.

… …

The milestones just kept coming.

She was starting to make noises other than crying, and now she actually looked up at me while I breastfed her. Edward and I were both there to see her first smile, and she was even starting to hold her head up on her own.

The first time she slept through the night was a huge relief, although I still couldn't resist checking in on her often.

Tonight was no different, and I got up to check on her shortly after midnight. But her crib was empty, so I poked my head into Edward's room. Sure enough, was he in bed with her sleeping on his chest.

"She seemed kind of fussy when I went to check on her earlier," he explained quietly. "Nothing major."

I didn't even hesitate to crawl into bed with them- it had become more and more common in the past few weeks. Edward still had Mila on his chest, and one of his hands rested on her back. But he reached out and put his other arm around me, and his fingers ran through the ends of my hair, soothing me. I couldn't remember ever being so comfortable before.

Mila was sleeping soundly, and I couldn't stop looking at her. She was a month old, and she had already changed so much. And not only had she changed- _we_ had changed, too. I felt more at peace with myself than I had in a long time, and I felt like motherhood had opened by eyes. I had gone for my first counseling appointment since Mila's birth just last week, and was happy about the progress I'd been able to make. I had been a little shocked when Edward had told me that he'd started going to a counselor two months before Mila was born, but I was happy- not only that he had decided to go, but that he had talked to me about it.

Maybe the two of us had been in an odd place for a while, but looking back and seeing that we were making attempts to better ourselves while also co-parenting a newborn baby made me feel content with the current state of things. Seeing Edward as a father to Mila had only strengthened my feelings for him, and we each knew that the other wasn't going anywhere.

We had plenty of time.

… …

"You're sure you don't need anything else?" Edward asked, surveying all the things I had loaded into our cart.

"I think I'm set." I double checked my list, trying to ease some of my nervousness.

I would be missing the first two weeks of the semester, but my start date was inching closer. I still hated to think about having to leave Mila and the crazy amount of work I'd have to do to catch up and stay on track, but I had wanted this for a long time and I had faith in myself that I could do it.

School supplies and groceries filled our cart, and now I was satisfied that we had gotten everything we'd come for. "We're all set. Want me to push the cart?"

"Nah, that's okay," Edward said easily. He had Mila against his chest in a sort of sling that Charlotte had gotten for us. It was perfect, since we liked to be close to the baby and she seemed to love it, too. "Mila likes to push the cart."

She did look pretty content, but I was sure it was because she was so close to her daddy. So I let them be, happy that he would be staying home with her for another moth- I knew she'd be just fine with him and it made the idea of being away from her a little easier.

We passed the greeting card aisle on our way to the checkout, and I hesitated. "Go on ahead and get in line- I just need to grab a couple of thank you cards really fast."

Mila was already a month old, but I figured it was better late than never to send out cards to thank people for the gifts, love, and home cooked meals we'd received since she had been born. But I should have known it would take me time to pick out the cards I wanted, and I had only grabbed two of them so far when Edward texted me saying that he was already checking out.

I cursed under my breath- I didn't mind that he had gone ahead, but I hated that he was paying for all my school supplies and groceries for lunch. And knowing him, he would refuse to let me pay him back. So I quickly grabbed several more cards and started to book it to the checkout lines.

"Bella?"

I turned, and came face to face with Chelsea.

 _Great_. I was feeling better about myself than ever, but seeing Chelsea definitely wasn't great for my confidence. I was still carrying stubborn pounds of baby weight, and I probably looked like I'd been hit by a train.

"Hi, Chelsea. It's nice to see you," I said. "Are you here visiting Emily?"

"You, too. And no…I work at the university now. I thought maybe Edward would have told you. We're in the same department."

"Oh, he hadn't mentioned it."

She smiled politely. "I haven't seen him around the office while the rest of us have been preparing for the semester to start. Do the two of you still spend a lot of time together? I'm hoping everything is okay with him."

"Yes, he's fine. He's, um, well he's on paternity leave…"

Her smile froze slightly, and I saw her look me up and down. "Oh. I didn't realize he had a baby."

"Bella."

I turned again, and this time it was Edward I saw. He still had Mila in her sling, and the cart was full of bagged items. "I wondered what was taking you so long," he said. "Hi, Chelsea."

"Hi. Bella was just telling me you're going to be on paternity leave- I had no idea."

"My graduate assistant will be handling my classes until next month."

"I see. Congratulations on the baby."

"Thank you." Edward and I spoke at the same time, and Chelsea's smile tightened further.

"I really should get going. But congratulations again. And Edward- I'll see you next month."

She walked away, and Edward rolled his eyes. "That was weird as fu-"

"Not in front of the baby!" I cried, covering his mouth.

"Bella, she's asleep. And I think she's gonna hear it eventually."

I crossed my arms over my chest indignantly. "Not from _me_."

We went and purchased the cards I had picked out, and I had to fight Edward off to pay for them myself. We were back in the car, Mila strapped in safely, before I brought Chelsea up again. "So, you're right. That was weird. You guys are friends, right?"

"Yeah. I mean, we knew each other in graduate school. She started teaching at a university in Ohio, so we never saw each other. But I'd still call us friends. That was just…odd."

"When was the last time you saw her?" I asked, thinking about the day, months ago, when I'd see her at Edward's office.

"Same time you did- in my office, when you and I were still trying to figure things out."

We both brushed it off, especially when Mila started wailing for her next meal.

Back at the house, Mila had fallen asleep in her crib, and the house was peaceful and quiet. I was sitting out on the patio, basking in the warmth of the beautiful sunny day. Edward joined me after a few minutes, and I didn't protest when he sat next to me and leaned his head on my shoulder.

"Things are quieting down a little bit, aren't they?"

"For now. Then it's back to school in no time."

"I know you'll be busy…not just with Mila, but because you'll be working hard at school. But I was hoping we could go out to dinner, just the two of us. I know it'll be the first time we both leave the baby, so it doesn't have to be right away. I just want you to know that I've been thinking about it, and I haven't changed my mind."

I smiled down at him, feeling warm and fuzzy inside. "I'd really like that."

… …

"Bye, Momma."

Edward was waving Mila's hand for her, which she seemed to get a kick out of.

"Bye," I replied, but instead of walking inside, my feet remained planted to the floor.

Mila reached her arms out towards me, and I could have sworn I felt my heart break right then and there. "Hey," Edward said gently, letting her grab his hand instead. "She'll be back soon- it's going to be just Mila and Daddy today."

"I don't want to go."

Edward sighed, coming closer and pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I know, Bella. But it's only for five hours, and we'll be right here to pick you up and take you home when you're done. I'll send you updates, and the day will be over before you know it."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I kissed her soft cheek, but I steeled myself and took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll see you guys this afternoon."

"Hey." He caught my arm, then reached up to wipe away the tears that had slipped down my cheeks. "I know it's hard. But you've got this."

I hugged him tight, gave Mila one last kiss, and then was on my way.

… …

 **Thank you again for reading; please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**First and foremost, I am so sorry about the delay! I was all set to update last Wednesday until my fiancé texted me "you know you left your bag in my car, right?" as he was on his way to out of state for work! My laptop was in there, and** _ **no**_ **I didn't realize it! Oops! But thank you so much for your patience and I hope this chapter makes up for it.**

 _ **Ineffable**_ **will be updating next, hopefully by the end of the week! We're going out of town for a wedding over the weekend, so if not then I'll be shooting for a Monday update instead!**

 **Thanks so much for reading, and I sincerely hope that you enjoy this chapter : )**

 **Starting with EPOV and then switching back to BPOV where indicated!**

… …

 _ **Edward Cullen**_

The car ride to drop Bella off on campus and then back to the house never failed to lull Mila back to sleep. We usually went straight home, but today I'd promised my mom that I would bring Mila by for a visit. She and my dad were still staying in Bella's old apartment for a few more weeks while their new house was being finished, so I traveled the familiar streets until I was parked down the block from the building. Mila woke up as I took her car seat off of its base to carry her inside, but luckily didn't seem bothered by being woken up.

"Mila!" My mom made a beeline for the baby as soon as I let myself into the apartment, lifting her out of her carrier. "How's my sweet baby?"

"I'm good, thanks," I teased dryly. But I couldn't help but smile at the sight of my mom cooing over my daughter.

I had been worried that my mom would be overbearing when it came to her first grandchild, and that she might end up stepping on Bella and I's toes. But my worries were unfounded, and I found myself relieved that my parents had made the decision to move back to St. Louis after living in California for the better part of a decade. Mila was still so little, but I was glad that she would get to grow up with her family so close by.

"Oh my, she's looking more and more like Bella every day."

I couldn't fault my mom's observation- Mila _was_ the spitting image of Bella, and I already dreaded her growing up to be as beautiful as her mother.

"But I still see you in some of her features," my mom added after another moment. "She has your eyes."

She did- those baby blues had started to transition to green.

"Look at that smile," I said, reaching over and tickling Mila's chin. "Such a happy baby this morning."

"She's with her nana- of course she's happy!"

We sat down at the kitchen counter, and I eagerly accepted the cup of coffee she offered.

"How are things going?" She asked. "You and Bella are still doing okay?"

"Yeah. Mila sleeps through a good portion of the night now, so it's been easier to get a routine down. Bella's kind of had a hard time adjusting to school, though. It's just difficult for her to leave. I know it's going to be hard for me, too, when I have to go back to work."

"It's never easy to leave your baby," my mom agreed. "But she'll be just fine. I'm looking forward to having her a few days a week."

Bella and I had talked about childcare options until we were practically blue in the face- at first, we'd thought that it would be best to start her at daycare. So many of our friends and family members had offered to watch Mila while Bella and I had work and school, and it had been a little overwhelming. We had worried that feelings would be hurt if we chose one person to watch Mila over another, and thought that maybe daycare would be better for stability and establishing a routine. But the more places we looked at and the more we talked about it, daycare become less appealing. So instead, we'd established a schedule that we could stick to every week, and Mila would be with family instead of strangers. My mom would watch her on Monday's and Tuesday's, Sue would have her Wednesday's and Thursday's, and Charlotte had claimed Friday's.

It might have seemed like a crazy schedule, but we all lived close enough to each other for it to work, and everybody was happy.

My mom and I talked for a while about going back to work, and even though I knew I had been extremely lucky to be able to take all of this time off to be home with Mila, I told my mom how much I hated having to go back. I'd been entertaining the idea of going on sabbatical, but with my teaching obligations, wouldn't be able to until January at the earliest. I wasn't worried about the money, but I did enjoy teaching at the university and didn't want to let that go completely.

It was much easier for me to talk about Mila than about going back to work, and I felt like I might burst with pride talking about all of the milestones she had already reached. It seemed impossible that she was already going to be two months old in just a few days- and she had already grown so much.

Time passed quickly with a new baby in the house, so while it didn't seem possible that it was already September, Bella's twenty second birthday was just two days away. I wanted to do something for her to let her know how much she meant to me and that my feelings hadn't changed.

"Listen, Mom, do you think you and Dad would be able to watch Mila on Sunday night? I have something planned for Bella…"

… …

Bella grinned as I came into the room holding the breakfast tray, covering her face with her hands for a moment. "Edward! You didn't have to do this!"

I set the tray down on her lap. "I know, Bella. But it's a special day. Happy birthday, babe."

I had already brought Mila into Bella's room before going back downstairs to bring up Bella's breakfast, so I picked her up off the bed and climbed in beside Bella myself. It had become normal for the three of us to lounge in bed together, whether it be mine or Bella's. Mila, having already nursed, was content to rest against my bare chest, and I took the opportunity to lean over and kiss Bella's cheek.

But she turned her head as I leaned in, her lips meeting mine. It was a brief, chaste kiss, but the smile we gave each other meant so much more. Little kisses and touches had become more common for us over the past few weeks, and we were very content knowing that we wanted a future together. With my parents watching Mila tonight, I knew that we were that much closer to being together, once and for all. We still had things to sort out, but today was about celebrating Bella's birthday.

"So…we have reservations tonight at Cielo," I said, trying to sound casual.

Bella paused mid-chew, putting her fork down. "Really?"

"Really." I looked down at Mila, patting her back gently. "I know it'll be difficult for both of us to leave Mila for the first time. But my parents agreed to watch her for the night, and if there was any good occasion for us to both leave at the same time, it's definitely your birthday."

"It'll be hard," Bella agreed, reaching over and stroking Mila's dark hair. "But…thank you. It might be good for us to, well, have a night….alone. I've been looking forward to it."

I leaned over and kissed her again, still gentle and chaste but hopefully enough to convey to Bella how much I really wanted her. "Me, too."

… …

Dropping Mila off at my parents took the better part of an hour, but we had finally managed to go…after, of course, going over things a hundred times and giving Mila's thousands of kisses.

Once we were actually out of the house, we figured that we should make the most out of our evening together. We took our time at dinner, sharing appetizers and desserts as well as getting our own entrees. Bella had pumped ahead of time, so she was able to have a few cocktails for the first time since Mila had been born.

Even though we took our time through dinner, we still weren't ready for the night to be over. It was a short drive to the botanical gardens, and it felt like we had left the city completely as we walked around hand in hand.

"Did you ever think we'd be here?" I asked her, squeezing her hand to emphasize my point.

She laughed quietly, but when she smiled at me, I could tell that she felt the same way I did. "No, I didn't. But I'm glad I was wrong. I'm very, very happy." She looked away for a moment. "I hope you are, too."

"I am."

"Good. I mean…I know neither of us planned for this to happen. We were both prepared for a very different sort of relationship. And I don't want either of us to regret how things went, instead."

"Regretting all of this would mean regretting Mila, and regretting falling for you. I could never regret either of those things, Bella."

"Me, either."

I smiled, squeezing her hand one more time. It was a warm night, and although there were plenty of other people walking around the gardens, it felt peaceful.

"I miss her," Bella sighed, looking up at me. "Everyone said how hard it would be, but I didn't understand that until now. Leaving for school every morning…feels like torture, sometimes. And it's going to be even harder once you go back to work. Knowing that neither of us are with her…"

"Even though I know my mom, Sue, and Charlotte would never let anything happen to her…I know exactly what you mean. I'm still thinking about going on sabbatical next semester. I love teaching, but the draw to be with Mila feels stronger. I didn't ever expect to want to stay at home; not go into work every day. What do you think?"

"You know that I would love it if one of us could be home with Mila. But I want it to be good for you, too. I don't want you to feel like you're giving anything up."

I shook my head, drawing her closer. "The only thing I can't bear to give up is the two of you."

… …

 _ **Bella Swan**_

The chaste kisses we'd been exchanging for the past few weeks were nothing compared to this. I felt my back hit the front door as soon as it was closed behind us, but didn't pay any mind to the door knob digging into my back. His hands were everywhere at once, and the fire he ignited within me reminded me of how good it could be between us.

Edward seemed so confident and sure, like always. He still knew my body, but I knew that he wanted more than just physical satisfaction. He kissed and touched me like he wanted to possess my soul, and I wanted to hand it over willingly. But I was a little less confident, knowing how much things had changed. I had carried and delivered his baby, and I was sure every woman felt a little self-conscious after that. But he seemed to love my body just as much as before, and I realized that he didn't even see my imperfections.

I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him back with fervor until I felt him lift me up off the ground. The entire trip up the stairs and down the hall towards his bedroom was spent totally wrapped up in each other, and by the time he set me down on the bed, I felt like I was ready to combust.

"Is this okay?" Edward whispered, skimming his hands under the hem of my dress and up my thighs until he reached my underwear.

I lifted my hips as an answer, and kept my legs apart even after he had slid my underwear down and off.

We hadn't been together in months, but it seemed like we fell right back into it without missing a beat. He didn't have to touch me for very long before I was begging him, and when he slid inside, I wanted to cry with relief.

I had always thought that our sexual chemistry was through the roof. But tonight, it was on a whole other level.

"I don't want to leave," Edward groaned, gripping my hips tightly. "Fuck, Bella…"

While making love all night might have sounded romantic, I wanted him to come and feel as good as he'd made _me_ feel.

Later, wrapped up in sheets and his arms, I knew that this was forever.

… …

 **I hope you enjoyed! Not a full lemon but there will be more coming. They also still have quite a bit to talk about! Quick note for those of you that know and might point it out- the botanical gardens in St. Louis** _ **do**_ **close at five every night but for the sake of the story, I tweaked the times. Not significant but just in case ; )**

 **Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you thought.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Things have been crazy, blah blah blah, but I'm really sorry to be so late! We had a rough couple of weeks, and while everything is fine now, it's been a little hard to get back into the swing of things. Thank you so much for sticking around.'**

 **Fair warning, this is definitely kind of a filler chapter...but I think you'll be excited for the next chapter!**

… …

In some ways, the shift in Edward and I's relationship had seemed subtle. But really, things were so drastically different than they had been just one year ago that sometimes it didn't feel real.

I rested my cheek against his bare chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart. His hand moved up and down my back languidly, and I couldn't believe how happy I felt. The last few months had been hectic. I had already been worried about becoming a mother and how to take care of a baby, so when Mila had been born a few weeks earlier than expected, it had been even more overwhelming. I was incredibly lucky that Edward was so hands-on with our daughter, because otherwise I'm sure I would have gone insane without all of his help. It had been hard to go back to school, even if it was a few weeks later than everyone else in my class, both because I had to leave my baby and also because catching up was hard work.

But tonight, all of that stress and worry just seemed to fade away. Edward and I had always had incredible sexual chemistry, so I had known that it would be easy to fall back together. What I hadn't expected was that it would be a little different- and better. It wasn't just about sex anymore, so while that element was still there, something else made the connection between us feel even stronger.

It still scared me. I knew Edward and I both still had issues to work through, and that maybe we were moving too fast in some ways. But I was more committed than I had ever been, and so was Edward. We had time, and neither of us wanted to let the other slip away again.

"This is nice," Edward murmured, smiling crookedly. "But..."

"But?"

"I...I miss Mila. I love all three of us sleeping under the same roof, and this would be the first time we don't put her down to bed here. Would it be okay with you if-"

"Yes," I said immediately, sitting up slightly. "I know what you mean."

He texted his mom to let her know the change of plans, and even though it was late, she assured him that she was up late anyway, waiting for Carlisle to get home from his shift. We dressed quickly, and I couldn't hold back a little laugh as we both shoved our shoes on.

"What?"

"Did you ever imagine this? That the two of us would be rushing out of bed at almost midnight, because we miss our baby?"

Edward laughed too, pulling me close to kiss me. "No. But I'm happy things did turn out this way."

The car ride was brief, but filled with smiles and laughter and holding hands.

"Were you missing her too badly?" Esme asked as soon as she opened the front door to let us in.

"Are we that obvious?" Edward asked as he kissed his mom's cheek.

"Well, sending me a text at almost midnight to see if you could come pick her up kind of gave you away," she teased. "But I understand. It does get easier, but it's so hard at first."

Mila was fast asleep, and I watched with stars in my eyes as Edward gently picked her up and got her into her car seat. My heart always melted around the two of them, and seeing how much Edward loved our baby just intensified that. After a quick kiss and a hug from Esme, then a much longer goodbye between her and Mila, the three of us headed home.

"I'll put her in her crib," I said, reaching for her once we got inside the house.

"Bring her to bed for a while. She'll need to eat soon, anyway."

We got into bed, and Edward took Mila from me and rested her on his chest. I leaned my head against his shoulder, looking down at our baby. I loved her always, but there was something special about when she was sleeping.

"I was thinking that, if you're okay with it, you stop sleeping in the guestroom," Edward said quietly, looking down at me. "And I have a few therapy appointments scheduled over the next few weeks...and I was hoping that maybe you could come to one, if it fits into your schedule. I'd like to have you there."

"Okay. To both."

He smiled and kissed me, and I didn't even worry about whether we were moving too fast or what it would be like to go to therapy with him. I just wanted him, and I knew that we could make it work.

… …

My dad smiled down at Mila, totally smitten.

I sat back on the couch, my hand in Edward's, as I watched the two of them. Seeing Edward with Mila was incredible for so many reasons, but it was also amazing to see my dad with his granddaughter. It was different for me, but the sight of both was almost overwhelming, because I felt so lucky that Mila had these men in her life.

"She's getting awfully big," my dad commented between blowing raspberries on Mila's stomach. "What are we gonna do with you, little lady? You'll be all grown up in no time!"

"Oh, don't say that," Edward said with a shudder.

"Just wait," my dad cautioned. "Bella is the reason for all of my grey hairs."

Sue rolled her eyes. "Oh, it has nothing to do with the fact that you're just getting old?"

"Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!"

Mila made an angry squawking noise when she felt that no one was paying enough attention to her, making everyone laugh.

"Kind of a drama queen, aren't you?" My dad said, his tone stern. But he quickly went right back to tickling her belly, and I think all of us, including Mila, knew he would probably never actually be stern with her. He got far too much joy out of spoiling her already, and she was only two months old.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Sue asked. "Is school going okay? Is Mila's schedule getting a little easier to get used to?"

"School is fine. It's been really fast-paced, especially because I started a little late, but I'm just taking it a day at a time. Even when it's totally crazy and overwhelming, I still enjoy it. And things have calmed down a little bit with Mila. She still wakes up through the night for a feeding or two, but it's definitely easier to handle now that we have more of a routine down."

"What about you, Edward? Are you ready to go back to work?"

I listened as Edward talked about getting ready to take over his classes again, and told Sue what his schedule would be. Even though he was talking about cutting back on his teaching course load, or maybe taking a break from teaching at the university all together, he still had freelance work on his plate, too.

"Well, I'm sure you won't want to be going back to work, but I really am looking forward to having Mila here a few days out of the week," Sue said. "Oh, come look upstairs. We got a little room put together for her."

Edward and I followed Sue upstairs, with my dad and Mila in tow. Sure enough, the small room between my old bedroom and the master bedroom was all set up as a nursery. It had always been an "office", but no one had ever gotten any use out of it. Now it was all set up for the baby, including her name painted on the wall above where the crib was situated.

I felt tears come to my eyes as I looked around, seeing that both my dad and Sue played a part in putting the room together for Mila. I recognized my dad's craftsmanship on the crib, as well as the small bookshelf in the corner. Sue had already filled it with books, including some I recognized from my childhood.

Sue, seeing that I was overwhelmed, just put her arm around my shoulders. "We love you, Bella, and Mila. We want you to have a place here."

"Thank you," I whispered, even though that felt like it didn't properly express just now grateful I really was.

Edward took my hand and squeezed, seeing that I was overwhelmed with emotions. I squeezed back, knowing that the three of us were very lucky.

… …

 **Hoping to post the next chapter of** _ **Ineffable**_ **on Tuesday, and then this story again on Friday. Thank you, and I hope you enjoyed this little filler chapter- next chapter will have Edward's therapy appointment in it. See you then!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't want to get into things too much here, but I did try and give an update via Facebook last week. My profile is Cynosure Fanfic if you'd like to be friends. Long story short, I've been having a hard time with my mental health lately and that has resulted in being unable to put the words down on the page. I'm trying to get back because I truly love it and all of you. Thank you always.**

… …

I watched Edward carefully.

We were sitting in the waiting room of his therapist's office, and I noticed a change in his demeanor as soon as we had walked into the office. He looked so nervous. I had expected that, though. Because I was nervous, too. But it wasn't just the nervousness, it was…fear. He seemed terrified, and it made my stomach turn. I didn't want him to feel so scared, but I also feared _why_ he felt that way, and what he had to tell me that had him so on edge.

It also struck me that even though I felt like things had changed and that we had moved so far forward, in terms of this, of what Edward had never wanted to talk about, we had remained locked in the same place for months. It seemed like there had been no progress at all in that area, and now all of a sudden it was all going to be out in the open.

And then I realized I was just as worried as he was- maybe even more so.

But he reached out and squeezed my hand, and I couldn't help but squeeze back.

This was Edward. He was the father of my child, and had become my best friend in the last few months. I wanted him to be open with me, even if maybe I didn't like what he had to say.

… ...

"It's nice to meet you, Bella. I've heard so much about you."

Kieran smiled at me as Edward and I settled into the couch across from where she was seated.

"Thank you, it's nice to meet you, as well."

We exchanged a few more pleasantries before diving right in, but I was thankful for that.

"Edward, you've talked about bringing Bella into one of your sessions for the past few weeks. Do you want to talk about why you decided to bring her in?"

He glanced over at me for a moment. "Well, um, this has been a…problem for us basically since the beginning. But I felt like I never had to talk about it then, because we weren't a, uh, couple. I mean, not really. We were just-"

"You weren't in a serious relationship," Kieran supplied, smiling gently. "But now things have changed?"

I knew that Kieran had to know all of this already, considering that she had been seeing Edward for a few months now. But it honestly felt good to rehash some of this, if only to realize how much had changed.

"Yes. But they didn't just change recently. I fell for her a long time ago, but screwed up. I think we both did."

"We did," I agreed, a little hesitant to interrupt. "I don't want the blame to lie solely on either one of us. And it's important for us to realize that we are no longer in that place."

"That's true. And now, even though things have changed and we've finally realized how we feel for each other and are moving into a relationship, I've found myself still not wanting to talk about it."

"Talk about what, Edward?"

He exhaled shakily, looking down. "About my marriage. And about why it affected me, and my feelings towards committed relationship, so greatly."

Kieran smiled reassuringly. "Go ahead, Edward. You've come very far in being able to tell me about all of this, and I know that you've realized that you're ready to talk about it with Bella, too. That's why you knew it was time to bring her into one of your sessions."

"You can tell me," I added quietly. "I want to be here for you, and my feelings aren't going to change. I'm all in."

"You know about Savannah. About how quickly things got so bad, and how hard it was as she…well, as she continued to get worse. I put everything I had into taking care of her, because I loved her. She was my wife, and nothing could have kept me from her side. Then she died, and even though I had married her and loved her and done everything I could, none of it mattered. She died anyway. And before she did…she became a person I didn't recognize. I know I've told you about this, too, but I just don't think anyone can understand what that's like without seeing it."

"I can't even imagine."

He nodded, and swallowed thickly. "I felt so useless, not being able to help her. And then I just felt incredibly guilty for being…almost _relieved_ when she did pass. I knew she was suffering, but that wasn't it. I had been suffering too. Nothing like her, of course-"

"Edward." Kieran shook her head minutely. "You know that one person's suffering does not cancel out the pain of everyone else's."

I nodded in agreement, but Edward was still staring down at his hands, folded together on his lap. "She hated me at times, and I started to hate her, too. Because even though I loved her so much, she was slipping away and at times, she was already gone. She said awful things sometimes, words I'd never heard come out of her mouth before, about anyone. Especially not towards me. But she changed, and even though I knew it wasn't her fault, it was like being with a completely different person. All I could do was try and help her be comfortable, and try and arrange for her final wishes to be carried out. But she…she didn't even want me to help her. It was like she _wanted_ me to hate her, wanted me to walk away."

Edward was quiet for a moment, but neither Kieran nor I prodded him. We just sat there, and I let his words wash over me.

I had put marriage up on a pedestal when I was younger, and was blindsided by the way my mother changed. When she abandoned my father and me, the ideas I'd had about love and marriage were shattered- and I had thought that damage had been irreparable. And Edward- he had had that seemingly perfect relationship, and then seen it torn away by something that was completely out of their hands. Our separate reasons for wanting to avoid serious relationships at first had been what had brought us together, and then what tore us apart.

Then Mila came into the world, and we were both shown an entirely different kind of love. A kind of love that really was all encompassing, and unconditional.

It showed us how powerful love could be, and was one more thing to bring us together. And now neither of us wanted to throw that away. We would love our daughter no matter what, no matter how things turned out between us. But it was something that opened our eyes to what we had almost thrown away.

"She asked me to go out to dinner one night." I was almost startled when Edward spoke again, but listened carefully. "She had been having a good day- the pain wasn't too bad; no seizures. I remember…she said I needed a break. I needed time away. I had argued, saying all I wanted was to be by her side. That I wasn't going anywhere. Then she started to get angry; upset. She told me that if I didn't leave, she would start screaming. She said she wanted me out, and that I was driving her crazy. That she never got any time alone anymore, and she didn't want to see me."

He pursed his lips. "She told me she had called Emmett and asked him to meet me at, uh…the restaurant that used to be inside the Hilton. Something nice, nowhere I'd expect to go with Emmett. But I went, and when I gave my name to the hostess, she brought me to the table…and it wasn't Emmett. It was a woman I didn't know, but who seemed to know me. I didn't understand what was going on until she laid it all out on the table."

"She was…" I trailed off, horrified.

"She was an escort, paid for by my wife. With explicit instructions from Savannah- how to act, how to dress. What I liked in bed, what color lingerie I had always liked on Savannah. I was mortified…and deeply, deeply hurt. I knew that Savannah was sick. More than one doctor had explained to me that she was enduring incredible amounts of pain and suffering, and that she was experiencing severe mood swings and personality changes. But I couldn't believe what was happening…and yet I still played along."

"You…"

"I had dinner with her. We talked, and I noticed how much she acted like Savannah. How she wore her hair like Savannah had, and dressed like her. I started drinking more and more, and was practically falling down drunk by the end of the meal. I went upstairs with her, to the room Savannah had also paid for. And I almost did it. Part of me even _wanted to._ I wondered for the briefest of moments if it would make things easier- if just fucking that girl and getting out all of the emotions that had been pent up inside of me would make me feel better somehow. But I couldn't. I left- called a taxi and had them drop me off at Peter and Charlotte's apartment. Savannah died three days later- and I didn't get there until an hour before. She was practically already gone by the time I got there. Our last words had been that horrible night, and they had been words of anger. Her last gesture towards me was….that. Desecrating our relationship and breaking my heart."

Edward looked up at me finally, his eyes full of tears. "And I still loved her, Bella. I still loved her after all of that, and even though part of me _hated_ what she had become and the things she had put me through, even if it was all because she was sick and suffering. But I loved her, and she died without…"

He paused, choking back a sob. "She died thinking that I hated her. She died without me being able to tell her I loved her one last time."

… …

 **Hoping to be back for another one soon- I really will try to keep you updated. Things have been looking up a little, so I'm finally feeling somewhat hopeful again. Please let me know what you thought, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your love and support.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! Thank you so much for your patience with me as I get back into the groove of things. Thanks also to all of those who have reached out to me so kindly with words of support- I'm still working on replying to everyone but it really means so much to me.**

 **This is a shorter chapter but I hope to see ya'll again soon for the next one!**

… …

The ride home was quiet. We picked Mila up from Peter and Charlotte's on the way home, and when we got there, the house was quiet, too.

I didn't want to crowd Edward, or abandon him, so I felt like I was walking the finest of lines. But he still smiled at me, albeit a little sadly, and kissed my cheek when he got up from the sofa. "I think I'm going to take Mila for a walk."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Thank you, but I don't think so. But we won't be too long. Just need a little fresh air."

I nodded. "Okay."

He stooped down in front of me suddenly, taking my face in his hands. "Hey. Thank you." He kissed me quickly and was then gone with Mila before I could say anything, and I could hear him getting her into her stroller and then heading out the door.

I didn't mind- I knew they would be back soon, and fresh air and time to clear your head never hurt anybody. So I tried to get some schoolwork done and enjoy my brief time alone, and before I knew it, almost an hour had passed. I hesitated before calling Edward, but if it had just been him, I would have left it alone. But Mila was still so little, and he had said they wouldn't be long. I knew she was perfectly safe with her daddy…however, the nervous new mom part of me won out.

He answered right away. "Hey, sorry. I ended up taking a longer route."

"Oh…that's okay. I was just wondering. I'll let you-"

"We're about to come up to the house; why don't you come out and we can all walk just a little more. It's so nice outside."

"Okay," I agreed. "Let me just grab my shoes."

"We'll wait at the end of the driveway."

Sure enough, by the time I had pulled my shoes on and grabbed a couple of water bottles, Edward and Mila were there waiting for me.

"Thanks." Edward accepted the water bottle I offered him, guzzling down half of it right away.

"No problem," I said, accepting his one-armed hug readily. "How has she been?" I reached over to touch Mila's cheek, unable to resist not touching her. It was almost magnetic, and I knew Edward felt the same way. It might have been just because we were first time parents, but really, I think she was just irresistible.

"Great," Edward replied, smiling proudly. "She napped most of the way."

"You're okay with going longer?"

He took my hand as we started walking, the other remaining on the handle of the stroller. "Of course."

"Thanks for inviting me to come along," I added after a moment. "I don't…I don't want to crowd you, you know? But I want to be here with you."

"I know." His voice was soft, but he squeezed my hand. "Thank you."

We spent the rest of our walk in near silence, but he never dropped my hand.

… …

I startled awake in the darkness, disoriented. Wondering what had woken me up, I listened for Mila over the baby monitor, but heard nothing. I reached for my phone and saw that it was already one o'clock in the morning- I had fallen asleep while reading in bed…waiting up for Edward. He had gone to spend time with his brothers, a long overdue guy's night. Now it was later than I had expected for him to be home, but I quickly realized what had woken me up was the sound of him making his way up the stairs- drunk.

He peeked into the room, and looked surprised to see me awake. "Hiiii," he whispered, grinning. "Didn't think you'd be up."

"I heard you come in."

I got out of bed, reaching his side just as he tripped over his own shoes. I caught his arm and he managed to right himself, but he was still wobbly. "Did you have fun tonight?" I tried not to sound too cross, because while I wasn't thrilled that he was coming home drunk, I also couldn't deny that maybe he needed it.

"Sorry." He flopped down on the bed, and I helped him pull off his shoes. He eventually gave up on the shoes, and instead starting pawing at me. "Come here."

"You're drunk," I chided him. "And I have class in the morning."

"I know. I just want you."

I cracked a smile. "You know that I want you, too. Always. Well…except for when I'm sleepy and grumpy."

"Come here," he repeated. "I know how to make you happy…"

Edward planted wet, sloppy kisses on my neck, and I couldn't help but tip my head back and receive them gladly. I didn't stop him when his hands slid under the tee shirt of his that I was wearing as pajamas. And I welcomed his touch gladly as the distance between us shrank.

But I _did_ stop him when he slipped is hand into my underwear. "I'm serious, Edward. I have class in the morning, and you're drunk."

He sighed, flopping back down flat on his back. "Okay. Okay."

I pulled the blankets around us again, and curled up on my side.

"Where did you go tonight?" I asked, hating that my voice sounded so small.

"Emmett wanted to go to PBR, so we went there…then ended up at the Rooftop 360."

I thought back to when, not very long ago at all, I would have been spending my free nights at bars and clubs, too. I didn't begrudge Edward for needing some time out with his brother's, but I couldn't help but feel a little left out. "Oh. That sounds fun."

"It was."

I could tell that he was already starting to drift off, so I nudged him awake again. "Did you miss me?" I was only half teasing.

"Of course I did. You and Mila."

"Good. We missed you."

"I always miss you guys when we're not together."

He was still slurring his words a little, but his smile was genuine.

"She's getting so big. I can't believe how much she's grown."

"We should have another baby," he murmured, and I stared at him, shocked.

Considering that we had never even talked about having a baby before at all, not even about Mila, I was stunned to hear him suggest it now, so cavalierly.

"I think that's a conversation for later," I said carefully. "You're…you're _drunk_."

"I want babies with you. More babies. And I want you to know that."

"Come on, get up and brush your teeth and get undressed," I urged him. "Then go to bed. There's a glass on water sitting on the counter in the bathroom, and the Advil is in the cabinet."

He didn't move for a moment, and then without another word got up and shut the door to the bathroom behind him.

I closed my eyes for just a moment, and was already asleep before he came back to bed.

… …

"Why do you think that brought up so many feelings?"

My counselor, Jamie, had listened as I'd told her about my late night conversation with Edward, letting me vent and try and put my thoughts in order. Now she looked at me pensively, and I struggled to find the words to answer her question.

"I don't know. I think it was a combination of things. I wasn't thrilled that he had been out all night, getting drunk, but I was also trying to be understanding, and let him blow off steam. I mean, we used to do that stuff together, all the time. But then he brought up more babies…and I just shut down. I had no idea what to say. And now it's been three days and neither of us has brought it up again…and it's just awkward between us."

"Do you want more children? And with Edward?"

"I don't know," I repeated. "I didn't plan Mila- you know that. Neither of us did. I understand that he is amazed something so wonderful wasn't part of the plan, because I feel the same way. But I hadn't been thinking about other children. I have so much I want to do, not just with school and a career but with my mental health, too, before…well, before continuing a family."

She nodded. "And what about with Edward? Continuing a family _with Edward?"_

"I want to be with him. I just…"

"You're still struggling with the idea of being able to have a happy, health family."

"I wish I weren't. I know it would be so much easier if I just-"

"You can't do that, Bella. You can't magically replace your preconceived notions with healthy, positive talk. I wish it were that easy, but unfortunately it takes a lot of work. You shouldn't give yourself a hard time for needing to work to get into a better place, mentally."

"I know. I know that, but it's so hard to remind myself of that. And now…I think I've taken a wrong step with Edward, and made him doubt all of the progress we've made."

"The easiest way to find out what Edward thinks of all of this is to ask," Jamie reminded me gently. "Communication is one of the most important things, maybe _the_ most important."

Our session was over all too, but instead of going home to study right away, I sat in my car for a while and thought about what I really, truly felt that I wanted.

Mila was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. My love for her felt like it was growing stronger ever moment, and it was so powerful I didn't know if I'd ever be able to wrap my head around it. I loved being her mother, and I loved that I had given her Edward as a father.

So what was holding me back?"

… …

 **Some filler but there are also some underlying issues here that both Edward and Bella need to address and iron out before they become** _ **giant**_ **wrinkles. What do you think?**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

"So that was it?!" Alice's words came out more like screeching. "You just left it at that?"

"Well…yeah. I guess. We haven't talked about it since, but it's only been a few days…"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Good God. This is obviously eating you up inside, Bella."

It felt like it had been ages since the three of us had been able to spend time together, so when they invited me over after class to catch up, I had jumped at the chance. I had felt better after talking to my counselor about what Edward had said the other night, but it still loomed over me like a dark shadow. However, Jamie, Alice and Rosalie were all offering the same advice- to just talk to Edward about it.

I knew that was the only real solution, and that it needed to happen for multiple different reasons. But I was still struggling- worrying that bringing it up would rock the boat. Because I had been happy with the way things were. School was incredibly tough already, especially with me having to catch up to the rest of my class, but I still loved it. Being a mother got better each and every day, and for the first time since we had known each other, Edward and I had a clearly defined relationship. I worried now about saying something that would upset the balance we had finally reached.

"Hey," Alice said, her voice more gentle. "I know you know that you have to talk to him. I also know that it's more difficult than it sounds. What's the worst that could happen if you bring this up to him?"

"He could not like my answer." My voice sounded small, and I looked down at my hands as I spoke. "And I worry that if he doesn't, I'm jeopardizing everything else."

"Well, I think you have to really reflect on what you want and what is best for both of you. What _would_ your answer be?" Rosalie asked.

They seemed to have noticed my shift in mood- I was anxious, and they adjusted accordingly.

"I do. I think. But not right now. I love Mila so much, and Edward is such a good father. I'm happy with how things are right now."

"So tell him that. He's not just going to not accept that as an answer."

I nodded. "I know. Like you said though, it's more difficult than it seems."

"Do you want us to watch Mila tonight so that you guys can have an evening alone? Maybe that would help."

I hesitated- I appreciated the offer, but we had only left Mila with babysitters a handful of times. But I also knew Edward and I needed this. This wouldn't get any better until we were able to talk about it, and then we could move on and see where life took us.

… …

I held Mila close to me, breathing in her scent baby scent. It was like this every time I saw her after an absence- even if it had only been a short one. But she wouldn't be a baby forever, and I wanted to soak it up while I could.

"How was your day?" Edward came up behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders. I turned to kiss him in greeting, smiling.

"Not bad. It was really nice to catch up with Rosalie and Alice. Yours?"

"Great," he replied, squeezing my shoulders gently. "We missed you, like always."

"And I missed you."

I sank down on the small loveseat we had in Mila's room, and Edward followed my lead.

"I only have a week left of paternity leave," he reminded me. "So Mila and I are trying to soak it all up. Today we sat in the park for a long time, since it's so nice out. I was thinking about taking with me to walk around the botanical gardens tomorrow, just for a change of scenery."

I felt a pang in my chest- I knew Mila would have the perfect babysitters in Esme, Sue, and Charlotte, but it was still hard. I also knew how hard it would be for Edward, and hoped that we would lean on each other and get through it together.

"Aw. Well, I'm so thankful that you had all the time you did- it was more difficult than I ever imagined for me to leave her and go to school, but you made it so much easier on me. Knowing she had you made me feel better, and now we can both be glad everyone else will take such good care of her."

"I'm glad I could make it better for you, and I know you're right, but I'm still kind of dreading it. It's making me think more and more about taking a sabbatical next year. I could still freelance…"

"See how you feel after a couple of weeks," I suggested. "But I'll support your decision no matter what."

We continued to chat for a while and the urge to just blurt out what was on my mind grew stronger. It wasn't even six o'clock yet- we still had plenty of time to take Mila to Rosalie and Alice's place for the night so that we could talk.

"Hey, so Alice and Rosalie offered to watch Mila for a few hours, and I was thinking that we should take them up on it. That way we could take some time to…talk and stuff."

I felt like I was making a bigger deal out of the whole thing than I should have been. It wasn't really that momentous, and even though the conversation was important for us to have, it didn't require a whole entire evening of talking. But I thought we could also just use some time to ourselves. We had only both left Mila once, and had only lasted a couple of hours. As much as I wanted to be with her always, my counselor and I had been talking about the importance of taking time for myself and our relationship, and I should have been trying harder to make that happen.

But Edward shook his head.

"Well normally I'd say that sounds great…but your dad and I are taking Mila to the game tonight, remember? I'm actually picking him up at 6:30, so Mila and I should probably be getting ready."

Of course; I couldn't believe I had forgotten. My dad and Edward had been looking forward to this for weeks now- even before Mila had been born, they had talked about it. Maybe I really did have too much on my mind.

"Oh, right. Well, you guys will have a great night."

There would be plenty of other times for the two of us to have time together, but I felt like this needed to get out in the open first. And I decided that I wouldn't keep it bottled up any longer.

"You know, I've been thinking about when you said that you would want to have more kids, and I just wanted to be honest with you and say that I don't know when I'll be ready for that. It's been bothering me since that night, and I've been putting it off bringing it up. But…yeah. I thought you should know how I feel."

Edward blinked a few times, processing what I had just blurted out. "Oh. Well…okay. That's okay. Thank you for telling me."

"It's something that I think we'd really have to discuss seriously. And we can. When we're ready to."

"Yeah, of course. I'm really sorry, you know, for bringing it up that way. I had been thinking about it…and just…"

"I know. But thank you for apologizing. I know you realize it's serious, too. Drinking really makes you have some word vomit," I said with a laugh.

We smiled at each other, albeit a little awkwardly, but I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Now we could move past it, and eventually have that conversation when we were both ready for it.

I watched from my seat as Edward changed Mila into the miniature Cardinals jersey he had bought for her, not able to wrap my mind around the fact that it fit her.

When he had first bought it when she was just a few days old, it had looked huge; like it would never fit my tiny baby. Now it fit her perfectly, reminding me that she was already two months old. Time was continuing to fly, and every milestone seemed monumental. She loved the sound of Edward and I's voices, so we talked to her as much as possible. Edward was doing so now, chattering as he got her changed, and she gurgled back occasionally. We were even beginning to see hints of her first real smile.

"Take pictures for me."

He smiled. "Of course. Tons."

"I'm so happy you and my dad are doing this together. It makes this seem so much more…real, you know?"

"I know. For the first time since…well, since Savannah, honestly, I've actually _wanted_ to do this stuff. Spend time with your dad, have you around my family; actually build a relationship."

"Well, I'm glad to hear it. I feel the same way."

He scooped Mila up, then came over to press a kiss to my forehead. "Have a good night. I'll see you later, okay?"

I nodded, and kissed Mila goodbye as well. "Have fun."

… …

I was already asleep when I felt Edward crawling into bed beside me.

"Did you have a good time?" I asked sleepily, rolling over to face him.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?"

I yawned and reached over to flip my bedside lamp on. "I've just been kind of tossing and turning."

"Ah. Yeah, we had fun. It was a great game."

"And Mila? Was she okay?"

"Perfect. I'll show you all the pictures tomorrow."

I leaned over to kiss him, then fell asleep in his arms.

… …

I sat at the kitchen counter with my cup of coffee, watching as Edward methodically packed his lunch.

Today was his first day back to teaching after his paternity leave, and he would be back to freelancing as well. Mila seemed oblivious, but Edward and I were both on pins and needles and had been all morning. We were supposed to be dropping Mila off at my dad and Sue's house in less than an hour, but we were still dragging our feet. I think it was already just as hard as we had both expected.

"Do I have to go? Can't I call in sick?"

"I wish."

It was October now, and the morning air was brisk. Edward pulled a sweater on over Mila's head as I checked her bag for the tenth time, making sure everything Sue might need for today was there.

"What time are you done today? I can study in the library if you have to be on campus later than I have to." I asked.

"My classes are at nine and eleven today, and I have office hours from two until four. That way, we'll be able to commute together no problem and not have to spend too much time waiting around for each other."

"Oh, right. Perfect."

He came over and cupped my face in his hands, smiling. "I figured maybe you could be my lunch date, too."

"Yeah?"

He kissed me softly. "…yeah, babe."

By the time we brought Mila in to Dad and Sue's, I was a wreck. Edward was too, even though he did it better. Luckily, we had budgeted extra time in our commute to compensate for how long it took us to be able to leave Mila behind and head towards campus. My dad had already left, but Sue gave us hugs and pep talks until we finally headed out the door.

… …

My morning dragged on, and I could hardly pay attention in my classes. I knew that Sue would contact me if something happened, but I couldn't put Mila out of her mind. It felt just like it had when I had first started school. Maybe even worse.

I finally made it out of my morning classes, and crossed campus to meet Edward in his office for lunch. I still had a hard time finding it, and was running a few minutes late before I got there.

The door was open when I approached, but when I poked my head in, it was Chelsea sitting at Edward's desk.

"Bella!"

"Chelsea…hi."

"It's good to see you. You looking for Edward?"

"Uh, yeah. Figured he'd be here…in his office."

She laughed. "He just ran to the bathroom. Said he was expecting you though, so I stuck around."

"Oh. Well, thanks. It's good to see you, too."

"Mm. Edward was just telling me more about the baby."

"Mila."

"Cute name."

My heart panged just from saying it, so I just nodded.

Edward came up behind me suddenly, shooting me a nervous look. "Hey, Bella."

"Hi."

We both looked back at Chelsea, who just smiled.

"If you don't mind, we were going to have lunch together," I said, smiling back tightly.

"Oh! Well let me get out of your hair."

She finally stood up and headed out of the office, but paused as she passed us. She rested her hand on Edward's shoulder, and I narrowed my eyes. "I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other."

She was finally gone, and I practically slammed the door shut behind her.

"What is her problem?"

Edward groaned as he sat back down at his desk. "I don't know, but she's been bugging me every time I've even stepped foot in my office all morning."

"When the last time you hooked up with her?"

"Psht, it's been years. We hooked up two or three times when we were in school…when my girlfriend and I were on and off. She wanted to date after Tanya and I broke up, but it didn't happen. I wasn't about to get into another relationship."

I nodded, picking at my sandwich. "Does she think you're still…an on and off, casual type of guy?"

He frowned. "I hope not- because I'm not."

"I know that. She might need to be told though."

I had never been a jealous person. In the past few years, I had preferred to not be in exclusive or serious relationships. But now everything was different. I wanted everyone to know that Edward was mine, and I was his.

And I realized that for the first time, that didn't scare me at all.

… …

 **Thank you! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for reading! I'm back from vacation so I'm trying to crank some chapters out. We had such a good time, but as always I'm happy to be back home. Are any of you going on great vacations this summer? I've got a couple more trips planned- one girls trip this month and then our usual family vacation in August. I can't wait for either one!**

… …

"Shh."

Edward nipped at my thigh, but his tongue quickly soothed the spot before going back between my thighs.

I tossed my head back, biting my lip. I could try to be quiet, but the way he was eating me out made me want to scream with pleasure. It had been too long since we had been like this- spontaneous and naughty. We still had an active sex life at home, but when he had sat me down on top of his desk while we were supposed to be eating lunch, I rejoiced.

My fingers gripped his hair, pulling him even closer. I whimpered again, making Edward glance up.

"Maybe I want them to hear," I teased breathlessly, bucking my hips once.

I was kidding, but I'd be lying if I said a part of me wouldn't _love_ for Chelsea to hear us in here.

Edward had picked up his classes over a month ago, but the novelty hadn't seemed to wear off for Chelsea. She was still flirty, and far too familiar. Edward had tried ignoring her, but maybe it was time for a more direct approach now.

I refocused at the task at hand as Edward redoubled his efforts, grabbing me by the hips and pulling me further down the desk. He already knew just how to get me off, and the excitement of fooling around in his office just added to the excitement. When he slid a finger inside of me, I didn't stand a chance. I managed to stay quiet through my orgasm, and then Edward's mouth was on mine before my heart rate even had a chance to slow down.

"What was that about?!" I asked breathlessly, running my hands through his hair. "Not that I'm complaining."

"You just looked good enough to eat."

… …

Mila had a new game- and it was exhausting. She dropped her pacifier on the ground for the fourth time, and I groaned in frustration.

I had been studying for hours, and although I felt dead tired, Mila clearly didn't. I loved that she was developing a personality, but she was definitely already becoming precocious.

I picked up my phone, noting that it was almost midnight.

 _When will you be home?_

Edward was out with Emmett, and I was itching for him to get home- not only so that Mila would hopefully fall asleep, but so that we could have some alone time together. Our relationship had become more intense in the last few months. It was no secret that Edward and I loved sex and had a dynamic sex life, even though we had gone through a dry spell until a few weeks ago. Even when we had started having sex again, it hadn't been quite the same. It was still good, and I felt like it helped us become closer, but it just wasn't the same. Now, for some reason, that was finally changing.

 _Is everything okay?_

I pushed my books to the side, going to pick up Mila instead and hoisting her up onto my hip so I could bounce her up and down. She was usually in bed long before now- I was starting to think she was holding out until she saw Edward, even though I didn't know if babies even did that. I was learning, but there was certainly still a great deal that I didn't know.

 _Mila misses you._

 _Just Mila?_

 _And me. Come home. X_

Less than half an hour later, I heard the garage door opening and closing.

"That's your daddy, finally," I whispered to Mila, touching the silky soft skin of her cheek. "Will that make you finally go to sleep, baby?"

"There's my girl." Edward appeared in the doorway, making a beeline for both of us.

"Which one of us are you talking to?"

"Does it matter?"

He kissed us both on the cheek, and I gladly handed Mila over when he reached for her. I loved her, but I'd do just about anything to get her to go to sleep. I was still exhausted, but I was also horny and Edward looked incredibly sexy.

"Has she been fussy?"

"Just ornery."

He nodded, swaying back and forth with her.

"You're so good with her," I marveled, watching as her eyelids started to droop.

"She just wanted her daddy."

I slid my hands around his waist, reaching under his shirt and feeling his taut skin. "I want you, too."

Edward grinned, and the baby was fast asleep in her crib in record time.

… …

Naked and sated, I didn't feel so tired anymore. Edward had brought a bottle of wine upstairs, and we had lit candles in the bedroom to make everything seem nice and cozy.

"Did you have a good night?" I asked, resting my head on Edward's shoulder.

"I did. I wish you could have come, though."

"I know…I miss going out together."

Although my dad and Sue had babysat for us a few weekends ago, Edward and I'd had dinner and a night in at home, so it wasn't quite the same. I didn't want to go out like I used to, but I did miss letting loose for a night and not having to worry about anything.

"Maybe next time. My parents have been asking to keep her overnight."

"I'm glad so many people love her. She'll never know anything other than people just…being there for her."

It made me think of my own mother, and how she wasn't there for me. Even when I had thought things were perfect…I hadn't seen the truth- that she had always been selfish and narcissistic, and I had just never known anything else. A large part of me was relieved that she was out of the picture and that she'd never hurt my daughter like she had hurt me, but sometimes I missed having a mother and allowed myself to reflect on the pain of being abandoned by mine.

"I know, babe," Edward murmured, kissing my forehead. "She's lucky, and so are we. And you know that all of those people that love her so much love you too, right? They'll always be there for her _and_ for you."

"Yeah."

He kissed me again, and just held me for a while. Sometimes it was what I needed, and he always seemed to know.

"So…who was out tonight? Was Rosalie there?"

"Yeah, Rosalie was there with Emmett. Alice was there, but not her boyfriend. Sam and Emily, plus a few people we knew in grad school. _Oh_ and Chelsea was there."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course she was. Chelsea is everywhere you are."

"Well, I finally got a word in with her and it felt pretty good."

I sat up straighter, interested. "Oh?"

"Yeah, she kept coming around, you know…like she always does. I just couldn't shake her. She kept leaning closer and closer…and I just asked her if she knew how desperate she was acting."

"You didn't."

"It's what I've been thinking for months! It felt so good to finally say that," he laughed.

I was laughing, too, but I was also secretly a little relieved. He'd been complaining to me about Chelsea, but he never acted on it. I was glad that had changed. I could act all I wanted like I didn't crave validation, especially when Chelsea was so gorgeous and because they had a history together. I knew he didn't want her, but it still felt good to hear him say he actually told her that. "What did she say?"

"She just said she thought we were friends, and that she didn't mean to make me uncomfortable. I told her we could be friends, but that I've got a baby mama now, and I'm pretty crazy about her."

Despite everything we'd been through and how close we had become, I found myself blushing. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm sorry I didn't say something to her sooner."

We kissed, and I took the wine glass out of his hand, placing both of ours on my nightstand. He smiled lazily. "Again?"

I giggled, pulling the sheet down from where it had been gathered around his waist. "Again."

"You're pretty insatiable these days."

"Are you complaining?"

I didn't give him any time to answer before taking him into my mouth abruptly. I felt him tense up, and reveled in his groan. His fingers threaded through my hair. "God, you're so good at that. I think you love sucking my cock just as much as I love you doing it."

I just hummed, making him throw his head back. He was twitching inside my mouth in no time, but he stopped me and pulled me up towards him. "I want to come inside you," Edward groaned, thrusting up inside me and resuming a ridiculous tempo as I ground down on him.

Even now, months after Mila was born, I sometimes felt self-conscious about my body. But never when Edward looked at me like this, when he touched me like this. I felt gorgeous, confident, and sexy. It was a whole other kind of high, to feel so sexual and beautiful in the eyes of someone else, and it made sex that much better for me.

It was like nothing I had ever felt before, and I was finally starting to acknowledge that maybe it was because we were really falling in love.

… …

 **Tried to fit some sexy times in because it's been a while! What do you think about Chelsea? Was what Edward said enough to finally dissuade her? Idk if I'd give up on Edward either if I were her. Thank you again! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I hope to update** _ **Ineffable**_ **before coming back for the next one of this. But either way, I hope to see you soon.**


	9. Chapter 9

Sometimes, life felt like an impossible juggling act, with so much do to and so little time. Some days were harder than others. But there was a balance to be struck, and when it was found, life was a little sweeter. It was the little things that made the biggest difference- Edward waking up early with Mila so that I could get a little extra much-needed sleep, or taking her for a long walk when I desperately needed to get schoolwork done and study. Sometimes, his late morning class would get out early and he would go pick up Mila so that the three of us could have lunch together. His thoughtful gestures made all the difference in the world. I tried my hardest to reciprocate and make things easier for him, too, but he was constantly assuring me that he didn't mind.

It was a reminder that although Edward and I had not planned for Mila, I had still been able to give her the best father possible. And we were all lucky.

… …

Christmas was drawing closer and closer, and it felt like the holiday would be monumental this year for more than one reason. For one, it marked the end of the fall semester- my first semester of nursing school. Despite starting late and having a newborn at home, I would be officially caught up to my classmates by the time Christmas break rolled around. It would also be Edward's and my first Christmas together, and even more importantly, Mila's very first Christmas. I was most likely going overboard with preparations, but I was hellbent on the holiday being special for everyone.

"Look, she likes the lights."

Mila was five months old now, and Edward had her in a sling wrapped around his chest and we put the tree together. And he was right, she seemed transfixed by the twinkling lights Edward had just finished stringing up.

"Sweet girl," I laughed, cupping her socked foot in my hand for a moment.

Mila babbled happily as we continued decorating the tree, making Edward and I laugh as she grabbed for every ornament within reach. We then started piling presents underneath the tree, excited even though Christmas was still a few weeks away. The gifts were for everyone- the house would be packed, but Edward and I were hosting Christmas here bright and early on the day of. It felt like another milestone in our relationship. Not only were we celebrating our daughter's first Christmas, but we were hosting a major holiday together for our families. We had made other strides in our relationship, as well. Counseling sessions together had been more frequent, and we both found ourselves able to be more open with each other and allow our relationship to deepen.

I had never expected that he and I would share all of this one day. I remembered the night we meet, and how quickly he had gotten under my skin. And that despite all of the rule and expectations, the way we were so hellbent on a casual, no strings attached relationship where we shared nothing but sexual gratification…we ended up here. We shared a child, a home, our feelings, and something more- something even deeper. It was hard to put into words, but it was easy to feel. We respected each other, and accepted that it would take time and effort to erase all of the ideas and feelings we'd both had so engrained in our minds. And it wasn't always easy- we both still struggled with things.

I worried about being there for my daughter, and was sometimes convinced that I would fail. I hadn't heard from my own mother since our last meeting, months before Mila was even born. It seemed like it had been so easy for her to cut me out of her life- the bond between us had broken and it seemed like it had done so easily. How would I ensure that would never happen between me and Mila? What if I failed her like my mother had failed me? I never wanted her to feel the heartbreak that I had felt. I knew that, logically, I would never allow that to happen.

But the insecure, broken part of me still wondered. I thought about how happy my parents had seemed, right up until the end. The affair and divorce had blindsided me and my dad, and there was always fear in me that I would one day go through that again and lose another treasured relationship. I was sure that I wouldn't be able to take that again. I struggled with being in a relationship and not letting those worries poison my mind and come between us. And I was still so scared because I could feel myself falling truly and deeply in love with Edward despite all of those walls around my heart I had built years ago.

And Edward. He worried too, I know. But part of him was still so closed off; I didn't know what was on his mind when he got that look in his eyes, the one that looked so scared. I understood, as best as someone who hadn't actually experienced it, how deeply the end of his marriage had changed him. I couldn't imagine the person I loved going through that and doing was Savannah had done. When Edward had said the cancer changed her, he had been right. A little part of me felt like I knew her now, as just the girl who had loved Edward and been loved by him in return.

… …

"You think we went overboard? We have to wrap this all?"

I bit my lip, looking at the presents still waiting to be wrapped that were spread out in our bedroom. We had finished gifts for friends and family a long time ago, and they were wrapped and ready underneath the Christmas tree. This was all for Mila.

"Maybe it is too much…" I conceded. "I mean, it is her first Christmas, and she's not old enough to really remember it."

Mila, situated on Edward's lap, babbled half-heartedly. She wasn't quite there, but it was definitely less crying and squeaking. In a few months, she'd be saying her first words. "She says she wants all the presents, mommy." Edward bounced her up and down for a moment, making her squeal. "She is growing," he added, his voice more serious. "The clothes are going to be needed, and she is getting too old for some of her toys. We should clear out the old stuff and make room for the new."

"It's still too much," I sighed. "And she won't even unwrap anything…"

Edward shrugged. "Put the clothes in her closet after you get rid of the old ones. And put some unwrapped toys under the tree for her. She won't mind, babe."

I agreed, but later, as I was going through Mila's closet, I found myself hesitating. I ran my fingers over the tiny outfits, wondering how she had already outgrown them. I saw the one she had been wearing for her first visit to my dad's house, and the one she had worn to her first baseball game. The one she had come home from the hospital in looked especially small, and my heart wrenched at the thought of getting rid of it.

And Edward, who I had never considered sentimental, seemed to understand. He disappeared for a moment, and I heard him rummaging around in the hall closet. When he returned, he held a few of the shadow boxes I had been given at my bridal shower.

"Here," he said, putting them down on the floor. "Use one for her homecoming outfit. I bet your dad would love one with that little Cardinals jersey- I still have the ticket from the game and a picture we could put in there, too."

I felt myself tearing up. My arms reached around his waist, and he reciprocated. "Thank you. For…not thinking I'm crazy. The idea of her growing up terrifies me."

"You don't think I feel the same way? I might not be as sentimental or attached as you are, but this stuff is a big deal. This is our baby. And we're doing all of this for the first time."

We stood there for a while, until Edward pressed a kiss to my forehead and pulled away. "Why don't you get the outfits for the boxes, and then I'll clear out the rest of the stuff that she's outgrown."

"Good idea."

It was still hard, saying goodbye to my tiny baby. Even though I knew she was growing, happy and healthy, it was hard.

Edward made it a little easier every day.

… …

Rosalie and Emmett were the first to arrive on Christmas morning. They'd come bundled up, laden with gifts, teeth chattering from the cold. Mila was barely awake, and she settled down in her uncle's arms once he was sitting on the living room couch.

"Everything looks beautiful, Bella," Rosalie said as we walked towards the kitchen. "Thank you for having everyone…I'm excited for my first Christmas with the family."

"Of course, Rose. Even if you weren't with Emmett…well, you're my family too. I'm so happy to have you here today. Mila and I have missed you like crazy with how busy things have been lately."

"I can't believe how much she's grown since I last saw her!" Rosalie exclaimed, sitting down next to be at the kitchen island.

Her eyes drifted for a moment, and I could have sworn that her jaw practically dropped. "Bella Swan…did you do all of this?" The kitchen was laden with food- biscuits and gravy, hash browns, eggs, and waffles were all cooking. Fresh fruit and juice sat on the island, and plates were piled up, ready for everyone to dig in.

"I wish I could claim credit, but no. This was all Edward."

Rosalie gripped my hand briefly. "Did you ever think it would be like this?"

"No," I murmured. "But thank god it is."

… …

Mine and Edward's parents showed up just a few minutes later, followed by Peter and Charlotte. They all came bearing too many gifts, and clamored for a chance to hold the baby. Mila sat with my dad and we all sat down to breakfast, eating too much and talking animatedly. I paused for a moment, taking it all in. This was a happy family. It didn't matter that Mila and I didn't have my mom- we had so much more. Esme doted on both of us, and Sue had become like a mother to me very quickly, with her attachment to Mila coming even faster. My dad and Carlisle seemed to young to be grandfathers, but they embraced their roles. Peter, Charlotte, Emmett, and Rosalie doted on Mila just as much as Edward did.

I wanted to cry right then and there, stunned by the realization that I had a happy family again, and that nothing would tear us all apart. Edward noticed, and slipped his arm around my shoulders.

"You okay?" He murmured, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine," I reassured him with a deep breath. "Just very happy."

"Good."

… …

 **Thank you guys so much for continuing to read. I wish I could elaborate more, but the last few months have been so busy and stressful that I'm way off schedule. It's driving me crazy, and I'm trying my hardest. Who signed me up for adulthood? I didn't expect all of this.**

 **I hope to get another chapter of** ** _Ineffable_** **up this week, so fingers crossed. I've missed you all so much, and hopefully we won't have this much time apart again.**

 **Thank you and much love.**


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